Daily Life of the Black Organization
by JefuBlah
Summary: What happens when the BO aren't conducting illegal activities, murders and sleeping? Well, read on to find out... *Note*: ALL SECRETS EXPOSED! (Will be updated on an irregular basis.)
1. Daily Life of the Black Organization

In this random story on Detective Conan, we look into the daily lives of some Black Organization members.

In this story they all reside in the same place, referred to as HQ. But we all know they say that just to sound cool.

Note: May contain some references not suitable for young children. Also, I'm broke. I DO NOT own Detective Conan or anything else mentioned, including a large, modern mansion.

* * *

~XXX()XXX~

Gin and Vodka walked into the large, modern mansion situated next to a serene, calm lake. They walked briskly, because Vodka had to go pee, and Gin needed to catch the new My Little Pony episode.

They opened the door and were greeted by multiple other top agents, the ones good enough to be referred to as alcohol.

"My, back so soon." Vermouth chided as Vodka rushed to the bathroom. "How was the mission?"

"Bitch, make me a sandwich," Gin said, completely ignoring Vermouth's question. He went upstairs into his room, and locked the door so that no one would realize that he was secretly a bronie.

Vermouth glared at him, walking into the kitchen. She caught Bourbon snooping around in the fridge.

"And what might _you _be doing here?" she inquired. The kitchen was regarded as "her space", and no one else was allowed to enter it. That was why the agents normally preferred Chinese takeout or pizza over the food cooked at HQ.

"There's no more blueberry jam." Bourbon complained. "How can I possibly live without my blueberry jam and peanut butter sandwiches?"

"Well, you're going to have to starve," Vermouth responded. "You're not awesome enough to copy Haibara anyways."

Bourbon sighed and trudged out the kitchen. Vermouth relaxed, happy that her kitchen realm was free of barbarians. Suddenly, Vodka walked in. Vermouth immediately grabbed a spatula and began waving about the air.

"Expelliarmus!" She yelled crazily.

"Sorry, I don't watch Harry Potter," Vodka said with his classic confused face. "Oh, and I heard Gin was making out with Chianti out on the yacht. Better go check it out."

Vermouth stared in disbelief and horror. "That little son of a banana! How dare he make love with someone else! GAH!" With that, she threw down the spatula and ran out.

"Now, where are the donuts...?" Vodka wondered.

~XXX()XXX~

Bourbon wandered the halls of the mansion aimlessly. Being a detective, he hated how Vermouth could outsmart him. _Now, the blueberry jam has to be somewhere. There's no way I could have finished a new bottle in two days. _Bourbon stopped and contemplated on his plight. _Calm down, think clearly. I've checked all the obvious spots; her underwear drawer, Sherry's old secret lab, and yacht...wait...I feel like I'm missing something...Right! She was yelling about something before..._

**"That little son of a banana! How dare he make love with someone else! GAH!"**

A lightbulb went of in Bourbon's head. He immediately walked over to Gin's room and pressed his ear against the door. _If I am correct, Vermouth has a secret crush on this guy and most likely hid the jam in there! _As one can see, Bourbon's logic is not comparable to Conan Edogawa's. Bourbon listened carefully. Then...

"C'mon, Applejack. Do you really think you can finish all of these apples!?"

"Don't worry, I got this covered."

"Ah, yeah."

Bourbon's eyes widened. _Is that My Little Ponies I hear!? _he thought. _My gosh, I never knew Gin was a fellow bronie! _He banged on the door.

"Open up!" he called. "A fellow bronie wants to watch My Little Ponies with you!"

~XXX()XXX~

Vodka was licking the chocolate cream off his fingers when Vermouth came crashing through the kitchen door, her face twisted in a raving rage.

"YOU LIED TO ME!" She shrieked, picking up the spatula that fell. "Prepare to die!"

"W-wait- I didn't do nothing, ma'am!" Vodka stammered.

Vermouth calmed down and attempted to explain in a rational manner.

"First of all, you dirty, retarded (insert vulgar words here), you claimed that you did not know what 'Expelliarmus' was, even though you recognized it was a spell in Harry Potter! Additionally, Gin was NOT making out with Chianti, because he locked himself in his room! Is that good enough for you!?"

"Nope," Vodka replied, which was the worst possible answer to give to an angry lady. After being smacked about for a minute, Vermouth brought Vodka up to Gin's room to prove her point.

"See!?" She yelled. "It's completely lock-what?" she said with a confused expression. Inside Gin's room was a large gathering of BO operatives sprawled around the room, Gin, Bourbon, Korn, and even Anokata was there, watching...My Little Pony.

Anokata, who was really Ayumi, turned to Vermouth.

"Don't be mad!" She said in a bossy tone. "Learn from the ponies! Friendship is the way to go!"

"Ya nigga. Listen to da boss, man," Korn said, who was annoyingly impersonating Lil' Wayne that day. "Gotta problem, nigga?"

~XXX()XXX~

"CUT! CUT!" yelled the director. "That Lil' Wayne impersonation was horrible! And why is Ayumi Anokata?! I requested Genta to play that role! Now let's try again!"

END

* * *

Will the world EVER know what the BO does in their free time? No, because Gosho Aoyama will carry the ending of Detective Conan to the grave.

P.S. Leave reviews ;) If you don't like my stories, criticism is welcomed as well, that way I can improve on future stories ^.^


	2. Current Obsessions of Black Org Members

I have no idea as to what I did with this story, really. I was...bored. Anyways, enjoy! I guess.

* * *

Vermouth opened her bag of crisps and crashed onto the sofa in front of the TV.

"Oh my," Chianti said, who had just walked into the room. "Did the author just refer to chips as 'crisps'? Why is everyone suddenly British?"

"Dunno," Vermouth responded, watching the new Doctor Who episode.

Bourbon appeared at the doorway wearing a "Keep Calm and Drink Tea" shirt.

"Does anyone know where the blueberry jam is?" he asked. Chianti stared at his shirt while Vermouth muttered something incomprehensible. Vodka, from the kitchen downstairs, began hollering again.

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS KETTLE WORKS!" Vodka said. "WHY IS THIS THING NOT TURNING RED!? THE WATER SHOULD BE BOILING!" Angrily he took out a gun and began shooting the wall. Gin appeared from the room next door with a violin in his hand.

"Shuddap you arse-head I am composing a new song!" Gin roared. Vermy grew red from frustration.

"DOES NO ONE UNDERSTAND THE FACT THAT YOU ARE ALL BOTHERING ME IN MY DOCTOR WHO TIME!? LEAVE!" She screamed, throwing everyone out and slamming the door.

_I still can't find my jam, _Bourbon thought.

~XXX()XXX~

Hours later, Vermouth finished her Doctor Who binge and checked her phone. There was a new text from Yukiko Kudo.

Hey there lovely. Want to play a game? -YK

i h8 u -Vermy

Why, honey? We were such great friends when we were actresses. -YK

8ye -Vermy

Vermouth sighed and listened to the horrible violin sounds coming from Gin's room. She took out her gun and began shooting the wall.

~XXX()XXX~

Bourbon was lurking in Chianti's room, hoping to find a bottle of blueberry jam when the sound of bullets startled him. He banged his head against the underside of the bed and quickly rushed into Vermouth's room, wondering if someone killed Vermouth or if something worse happened. Like Vermouth surviving.

Unfortunately for Bourbon, it was just Vermouth shooting a wall. He could hear her utter words through gritted teeth between each gun shot:

"God-Damn-It-Moffat-Finish-The-Next-Episode-Alread y!"

Bourbon spotted the jar of jam in Vermouth's slightly ajar underwear drawer.

~XXX()XXX~

Chianti wandered the halls of the BO hangout/HQ/whatever they named the mansion to make it sound cool. Why was everyone acting like this? Vermouth watches Doctor Who, Vodka has a tea addiction, and Gin is obsessed with Sherlock. When did all this happen? And why did Vermouth put a jar of grape jelly in her underwear drawer? Chianti sighed as she spend the next hour sulking around the...HQ. That's when she decided to visit her partner Korn, who she generally avoided because he was dry and unpredictable. A couple of days ago he thought he was Lil' Wayne.

She found his room in the dingy basement next a random vending machine that was filled with packets of who-knows-what. A weird blue police box was painted on his door. Chianti abruptly turned and left.

~XXX()XXX~

Bourbon sighed as he entered the kitchen. After Vermouth began the Doctor Who series she abandoned the kitchen except to make tea. Actually, everyone abandoned the kitchen except for making tea. Bourbon rubbed his raw face as he reached for the medicine cabinet. Honestly, who keeps _grape jelly_ in their underwear drawer?

~XXX()XXX~

Anokata stood on the rooftop of HQ and looked out at the river by the mansion. Except Anokata couldn't see anything because he was a black image. Nor could he move or talk because he was non-existent, he was just a name representing the actual boss of the BO. At this point the author switches back to the story.

~XXX()XXX~

Bourbon stood on the rooftop of HQ and looked out at the river by the mansion. He borrowed Gin's trench coat. He lifted his arms, licked his lips. The wind whipped up his hair and cut into his face. He pulled out a phone and dialed his mother.

"I found the blueberry jam," he whispered.

He jumped off the rooftop and landed on the ground two stories below into the river.

Gin sighed.

"Come one man, stop throwing in your blueberry jam references! Talk about John Watson! Really _believe_ that you're Sherlock!"

"I believe you have sold your soul to a fandom," Bourbon stated. "But look at what I found the bottom of this river!"

~XXX()XXX~

Bourbon sat by the river and enjoyed his peanut-butter and blueberry jam sandwich for the rest of the story, refusing to play his role. This greatly pissed off the author, who had to make up the rest of the crappy "plot" without him. On the _spot_.

~XXX()XXX~

Vermy plopped down on the living room sofa, spilling Vodka's tea all over the place. She opened her laptop.

"Guess what, Gin's pet? I made a tumblr."

"Uh...cool, I guess?" Vodka replied.

Vermy logged on and immediately began blogging pictures of David Tenant and men with gorgeous cheek bones jumping off of buildings.

~XXX()XXX~

After pacing about for four hours in the dingy basement, Chianti made up her mind. It took a long time coming for her. She knew this from the start, right when they met each other. In fact, being paired up as partners was one of the biggest moments of her life. It impacted her forever, and she couldn't deny the way she felt. She would express her feelings for Korn.

She marched into his room, where he was performing an exorcism on a vampire.

"I hate you," she said, and marched out.

* * *

I'm so sorry. I really am.  



	3. Gin's Despair

Next installment. The whole gang goes kinda durpy. Whoopee.

* * *

It was six thirty in the morning. The sun was low in the sky, the dew still wet on the grass. Birds chirped and flew in the air and aimed for the cars.

Bourbon sat complacently by the riverbank picnic table, munching on peanut butter and blueberry jam sandwiches. The wet grass tickled his ankles as he sat, reminiscing about his childhood when he felt a large, menacing presence behind him. He calmly turned around and found Gin with bed sheets wrapped around his waist.

"Have you seen my pants?" Gin growled grumpily.

"No, I have not spotted your clothing along this riverbank on this fine morning," Bourbon responded. "Nice shirt, by the way."

Gin looked down. It said, "Regenerate and Carry On," which was some cheesy Doctor Who reference that Vermy bought him one day. He had no clue as to why he was wearing it. He should probably throw it out.

Gin left Bourbon by the riverbank to let him eat his peanut butter and blueberry jam sandwiches and reminisce about whatever pitiful childhood he had. He trudged along the wide lawn, hoping that the author would find a better plot line next time instead of some cheesy thing were he had to find his pants. How annoying.

Gin yawned as he entered the Black Org HQ/Mansion/Hideout/Whatever. He was beginning to feel like the story was becoming utter BS. Suddenly, Korn appeared next to him, which was a surprise because he rarely came out of the basement.

"I'm not a conspiracy theorist or anything," Korn began, "But if you take the word "Illuminati" it's actually an anagram for the word "Illuminati"."

Gin stared.

"Is this what you ponder about in your dark dingy hole underground?"

"Why yes of course my dear friend."

"Then why don't you gO BACK DOWN THERE AND STAY THERE. I HATE THIS STORY. FINISH IT NOW GODDAMN IT. IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY AND I'M GETTING PRETTY FRUSTRATED AT MY LACK OF HUMOR."

Gin blinked.

"Wait. Wait hold on. _My_ lack of humor? No, no no no no. This isn't _my _lack of humor. It's this damn author right here trying to use me as a scapego-"

Vermy appeared at the door.

"Would anyone care for some tea and crumpets?"

~XXX()XXX~

Vodka yawned. He just finished the most recent episode of Game of Thrones and now he didn't know what to do with his life. Oh wait, he already sold his soul to tumblr, so it didn't matter. Might I mention he has eighty thousand followers? He booted up his computer and began working on a gif set while re-blogging countless others. What an interesting life.

Gin stumbled into the room, a bed sheet wrapped around him.

"Did you uh, happen to spot a pair of pants around here?" Gin asked sleepily.

"Well, you could always check Vermouth's underwear drawer-hey, what's going on...!? Gin!?"

Gin had collapsed onto the floor. Vodka stared at his unconscious friend.

"Uh...guys? We have a situation..."

~XXX()XXX~

Chianti stood on the rooftop, giggling, a pair of pants in her hand.

"What genius I am! Surely Gin would fall for me now! Once he realizes how beautiful and charming and...oh wait, why do I have his pants? All I did was put a sedative in his tea...oh well. He'll probably come looking up here anyways for his pants. Stupid author probably put them in my hands."

Chianti stared out at the riverbank, the slight breeze kissing her cheeks as she dreamily stared into empty space.

"If only Gin had a sense of humor," Chianti said, sighing. "Maybe our organization would be a better family. Maybe we wouldn't kill so much people or participate in such illegal activities. Maybe we could actually go on a date..."

~XXX()XXX~

Korn appeared by Vodka's side with some dark and shady-looking utensils. They looked like sticks with skulls and bones and stuff.

"Don't worry, if anything happens, I can perform an exorcism," Korn said.

"Uh..." Vodka couldn't really reply. His mind was geared towards tumblr, anyways. Maybe he could take a picture of Vodka performing an exorcism and post it on tumblr. He could get a whole bunch more followers.

"Here," Korn said, sitting down in front of him. "With I'm about to do, Gin will have the Dream Gods visit him in this unconscious state. What happens next, I do not know. The gods may take him to his death, or return him to this world. Let us hope for the best."

Vodka stared. He had not heard Vodka say so much at once before.

But he remembered to take a picture of him with his utensils.

~XXX()XXX~

Gin was sitting in a dark alleyway. Except it wasn't a dark alleyway. He was in a storage closet of an airship. He didn't know how he knew that. He just did.

Gin walked out of the closet and into a nicely carpeted hallway. It had fancy, bright lamps and doors that presumably led to the passenger rooms. It gave off a homely vibe.

He walked to the nearest one and kicked the door open.

He faced Death.

It was a dark room, covered in cobwebs, dust, and spidery thingies. Too small to tell what they were.

"What brings you here, my dear child?" Death asked, looking up from his desk. His reaper leaned against a closet filled with dead bodies. He didn't have a bed. Probably because Death doesn't sleep.

"Dunno. Just kicked down the nearest door in frustration," Gin responded.

"Good choice," Death said. "The other rooms are pretty bad. I heard that one of had a huge staircase to heaven, ugh. Anyways, what's your name? Gin? Yeah, okay, you're not due until another like fifty years or something. Go. Leave. Shoo-shoo."

"Uh...how do I get out?" Gin asked.

"I presume you came from the storage closet? Well, get back into the hallway, and go the opposite way you came from. Take the staircase until you reach the fourth floor, follow the arrows until you get to the cockpit. Talk to the captain, and he'll throw you out the window. You'll fall back to where you fell unconscious or however else you came here."

"Oh...uh...okay then..." Gin quickly ran out the room. The dead bodies in the closet creeped him out.

He dashed down the staircase until level four. He ran around the maze of hallways, similarly decorated as the first. He didn't meet anyone. Finally, he arrived at the cockpit.

He saw Kaito Kid steering the blimp.

"Uh...Hi..." Gin stammered, shocked at seeing some teenage thief dude steering the ship.

"Hey," Kid said. "I'm God. What brings you here?"

"Well I kinda need to get back to Black Org HQ/Mansion/Hideout/Whatever." Gin responded.

"Aight man. Imma toss ya out dis window right here aight? #420 blaze it fo dayze-"

Gin cut him off.

"Just get me back to were I need to be already!"

Kaito Kid, or God, quickly picked him up and threw him out the window.

Gin fell through the sky, down towards the deep blue ocean, wondering what the heck he was doing. He began to feel chilly and he needed to pee. He suddenly passed through a cloud-

and found himself lying down in his room, staring at Korn holding some bone-things with skulls on them.

~XXX()XXX~

Gin and Chianti were together at a restaurant situated by a pristine lake, a slight breeze passing through their faces, bright sunshine over head, with a super hot waiter that served them food.

Chianti broke out of her reverie as she felt a dark, menacing presence behind her. It was Anokata.

Except...Anokata didn't exist. It was just a name assigned to the unknown gang member, a symbol, a literal black shadow with no face, name, or entity.

It was Gin.

"Give me my pants," Gin growled.

"Not until you give me what I want," Chianti said.

"Well, what the heck do you want?" Gin asked, teeth clenched.

"Um. Uh...um...a...uh...I want a new motorcycle."

(At this point, the audience facepalms.)

"Sure, now give me my pants." Gin said.

He reached over, put Chianti pulled the pants away from him.

"What the hell!? You can get the motorcycle! Give me my pants! ROAR!"

Gin blinked.

"Did-did I just say..."Roar"!?"

Chianti nodded, giggling.

"You just said something incredibly childish and kawaii. Good job! You can have your pants back."

Gin took his pants.

"Oh...uh...okay...thanks?" Gin accepted the pants awkwardly.

"No problem. I think that breaking out of your shell was pretty cute, actually. You're a really kawaii person on the inside," Chianti said.

Gin fumed as he stomped off.

(Le fin. Audience stops reading this, confused.)


End file.
